Assassin's Creed II

There's a lot to say about AC2, just as there was for its predecessor.

Suffice it to say, AC2 tries to do a lot - combat, parkour, stealth, exploration, collection, puzzles, platforming, storytelling - and succeeds at almost none of it. In fact, its mechanics have barely improved since the first game: aside from slightly less terrible combat controls, and hireable groups to distract guards for sneaking around, AC1's problems are still here. Some of them have become magnified, in fact, due to AC2's more avant-garde design: combat may be less unbearable, but there's a lot more of it, which is a net loss; and running across rooftops is substantially less fun, since now there are archers everywhere.

Also, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but the story is awful.

The beginning of the game is absurdly boring and uninteresting, up until the point where its working mechanics (the Villa Auditore, and free-running across town) become accessible. Then it's fun, for a while, until all of that gets old and dull. And in the end, the game - again - forces you to engage in not-fun, frustrating combat against a boss you really don't care about. Followed by a cutscene. And spoiler alert, there's gameplay during the credits; like, yeah, half the screen is obscured by scrolling names, there's no HUD, and you still have to beat dudes up. And then the ending cliffhanger is retarded.

The new part of the game that I actually enjoyed was the collection aspect. Collecting Assassin Seals and Codex Pages was pretty fun, although it would have been better if it wasn't, apparently, required for finishing the game. Collecting the hidden symbols actually resulted in a pretty neat reward, but the in-game map was utterly unhelpful for finding them, and the puzzle-solving associated with them was stupid, and on occasion, unnecessarily obtuse. Collecting other stuff to invest in the Villa Auditore was fun at first, until I realized that even if I hadn't done any of it, I would never've been in any danger of ever running out of money.

AC2 is fun at parts, but ultimately disappointing. Instead of working on issues from the first game, Ubisoft added more half-baked features for its sequel. (So the news of an imminent spinoff has me suspecting more of the same.) In a way, it reminds me of the Grand Theft Auto series for PS2 -- but Rockstar, as they cut their teeth on features, and developed their own engine for next-generation hardware, had the luxury of inventing a new premise for GTA4. Even if Ubisoft ends up reinventing the Assassin's Creed franchise later on, they can't work around the fucking terrible story.

I also can't help but compare AC2 to The Saboteur, which is basically better in every way. Sean Devlin could see his enemies' line of sight; Sean Devlin could shoot guns; Sean Devlin could drive a car; Sean Devlin killed Nazis. Ezio Auditore can do none of these things.

Oh, and the game has 14 chapters, but chapters 12 and 13 aren't in the game. They're paid DLC. Once I finished chapter 11, my asshole British operator explained to me what would have happened in those chapters, had I paid for them. Classy move, Ubisoft. Real classy.

Better than: nothing
Not as good as: it should be
Pretty much just as good (and bad) as: Assassin's Creed, but this time, I expected more

Progress: Beat up the Pope