Retro City Rampage

Of course I was interested in this GTA-demake-styled parody game -- I pre-ordered this guy back in February. On paper, it's right up my alley, but, paper doesn't make a video game. Paper and video games are actually barely related. Anyway, Retro City Rampage is a bit of a disappointment.

The controls are a big part of it, and while using a controller does feel better than the keyboard (simply because all the buttons are close together and placed intuitively), RCR's old-school formatting is too restrictive for driving and shooting. The linear acceleration and limited turning angles make it impossible to maneuver accurately. Which is an especially big deal when you're driving too fast to see that the road ahead turns into a T-junction.

While I might be willing to put up with and power through these issues if the game content was shockingly brilliant, it isn't. There are some funny parodies, but nothing exceedingly clever (at least so far as I encountered), and the rate and density with which they're delivered - Duke Nukem, Metal Gear, Mega Man, and Bionic Commando all crashing in at once - gets exhausting after just a few minutes.

It's unfortunate, but all of RCR's flaws collude into a game that simply isn't fun. Getting around the city, trying to hit a specific target, even scrolling through the unwieldy weapon list, all feel like more work than they're worth, especially when the reward - more rapid-fire, somewhat-stale parodies - is so flat and unsurprising.

I know I'm not giving Retro City Rampage a completely fair shake; I've only put about an hour into it. But I'm already tired of it. I don't want to waste more of my life on this game when it seems like it's just going to disappoint me further.

Progress: Finished the Paperboy mission