Neon Lasers, Cyber Commandos, and Guitar Riffs

Parody games tend to run the risk of becoming just as bad as the irritating tropes they poke fun at. Blood Dragon, the story of a Mark IV Cyber Commando dropped into a post-apocalyptic world of robot sharks and Omega Force soldiers, avoids this trap -- but not completely.

The in-game tutorials exaggerate both their ... tutoriality, and their in-game nature: the jump tutorial message says "To jump, jump," while protagonist Rex 'Power' Colt voices his displeasure at these time-wasting pop-ups whenever they appear. Optional missions frequently make no sense in the context of the game world, which Rex also speaks out about. Story cutscenes are shown in the style of a Sega Genesis or Super NES game, with quarter-sized pixel-art screens and primitive animation. And the whole thing, as an 80's-style vision of the future, is wrapped in cliched characters, cheesy aesthetics, and deliberately terrible dialog and voice acting. (At least, I think it's deliberate. Maybe Michael Biehn was really drunk at the microphone.)

But sometimes the satire is too thick, or otherwise indistinguishable from common game design pitfalls. The soundtrack can veer into excellence, but tends toward malaise out in the open world. Non-interactive scenes, especially in the game's opening hour, last far longer than they should. And randomized lines repeat far too often -- hearing the same quip twice in a row is worth a chuckle, but hearing it five times in as many minutes just comes across as lazy.

Fortunately, the important part - the gameplay - is solid, or at least, mostly-solid. The controls are a bit iffy (driving is particularly awkward), and picking up items is a chore. But shooting cyber commandos - whether stealthily with a bow, or aggressively with a Fazertron - is a joy, particularly as you explore the game's map, leveling up and unlocking weapon upgrades. Fighting the titular blood dragons is tough at first, but becomes more manageable with weapons like the Terror 4000 minigun, and upgrades like explosive sniper-rifle rounds. There's actually an impressive number of extra things to collect, considering this is basically a DLC pack.

I don't know how much longer the campaign will be, but I already feel like I'm getting a good amount of retro-futuristic, hilariously-explicit content out of Blood Dragon.

Progress: Burned up some blood dragon eggs.