Thanks for ruining Earth, vampire.

Hahahaha! Oh, man. Wow.

To be slightly more fair to Blood Knights, its interesting features don't actually get introduced until after that initial level. As a vampire, you can drain an enemy's blood to regain health, and exploit some magic levitation powers to boot. But this mildly-appreciable mechanic (c/o BloodRayne) is really the only thing of any value here.

• The writing is terrible. See: "Let me use my healing powers."
• The voice acting is even worse, although sometimes hilarious. I haven't heard lines delivered this poorly since Resident Evil.
• The game scenario is laughable, with utterly uninspired and transparently-repetitive content. See: "Let me use my healing powers."
• All of the game's central mechanics are completely shallow. Combat is a one-button affair, special moves being basically useless. Equipment pickups, as in Darksiders II, feel totally unnecessary. Level-ups don't upgrade the characters enough to be meaningful. And there are dialog choices that serve no purpose whatsoever.
• Animations are pre-mocap bad, and texture quality is universally low. The menu UI is unintuitive and clunky. Really, the only visual element that seems to have been paid any attention at all is the lady vampire in the iron wonderbra.

Blood Knights is too awful for me to continue playing on my own. And though I pitched it to some friends as a possible co-op drinking game, after seeing the intro level, they actually refused to play it. (These are the same people with whom I played Wet, so, the bar isn't exactly high for us.)

I threw a few dollars away on this because I expected it to be schlocky, but unfortunately, Blood Knights isn't good enough at being bad to be enjoyable. It's not "good"-bad. It's just bad-bad.

Progress: Reached the Shore.