"It's a murder party, starring me!"

Bulletstorm has some innovative gameplay and rough attitude, but not as much of either as I expected.

The demo - which I still remember from, yeah, 2011 - shows a brief subsection of a first-person-shooter version of MadWorld. This, as it turns out, is a little misrepresentative. Although Bulletstorm's high-action set pieces sometimes approach a MadWorld-style arena of destruction and dismemberment, this is relatively rare throughout the campaign; the majority of it, instead, is more like a traditional encounter-driven shooter, albeit with more of a focus on melee attacks than usual.

It really isn't bad in this role: in addition to mainstays like an automatic rifle and a shotgun, there are some pretty creative and fun weapons, like a gun that shoots remote-detonated bolas, and a spear-launcher whose spears are motorized drills. And there is an impressive variety of enemies as the game progresses, which demand adaptable and practiced tactics. But the promise of exciting and creative environmental hazards is largely unfulfilled, with frequent over-reliance on a limited set of hazards (explosive barrels, spikes, cliffs) and very few instances of really creative level design.

This effect is especially, and unfortunately, magnified in the game's opening hour or so, which is really slow to spin up. Introductory sequences focus on a hard-edged space-mercenary story, in a surprisingly strong narrative start ... which slows to a trickle shortly afterward. And the first several playable sequences don't even get into the environmental-hazard angle. New weapons are unlocked as the campaign proceeds, and it takes a long while before anything really interesting becomes available.

Once Bulletstorm gets into its groove, it really feels like a good train-ride shooter campaign ala Gears of War and its sequels. (Not least because some of its weapon and enemy designs are clearly inspired by Gears. The Peacemaker rifle seems to even have the same firing spread and sound effects as the Lancer.) And again, it does pretty well here, with plenty of narrative- and explosion-based motivation to push the levels ahead. But the things that were "supposed" to define Bulletstorm are content to just lie back in the shadow of an otherwise-unremarkable game design. Even its cursing-based personality, while providing one of Commander Shepard's more entertaining roles, is not as silly and over-the-top as marketed.

Ultimately, Bulletstorm's failure to capitalize on its unique selling points reminds me of Red Faction: Armageddon -- despite the unexpected flatness and under-implementation of what sets the game apart from its peers, it is well-made, and it is pretty fun. Years from now, I probably won't be struck by any longing memories of Bulletstorm. But I certainly don't regret the time I spent with it.

Better than: Gears of War
Not as good as: Borderlands 2
And as for Games for Windows Live: "Shut it, retard! I didn't come down here for more excuses from your cockhole."

Progress: Finished on Normal.