At about eight hours from start to finish, Damned doesn't feel brief, exactly -- the action rarely lets up, there's plenty of generally well-paced variety, and the ending is pretty satisfying. But it is a little disappointing (if not unexpected, given Suda's track record) that there isn't really anything more to do. While it's possible to miss some upgrade items, there's no Chapter Select or New Game+, so you can't try again without starting over from scratch; and while a handful of minigames (a shooting gallery, demon bowling, and a scrolling shoot-em-up) seem like great candidates for more post-game content, there simply isn't any.

The game isn't technologically perfect, either -- the roll/turn control can sometimes work in unexpected ways (particularly in heavy action), there are frequent opportunities to get stuck in level/NPC geometry, loading times in general are kind of ridiculous, and on occasion there are rough bouts of texture pop-in and stutter. So, yeah, not perfect. But I never felt like putting the game down out of frustration. Its difficulty comes more genuinely, from tricky enemies and fast-paced sequences, than from fighting the controls.

Shadows of the Damned doesn't have the crazily inventive gameplay of NMH, and at the same time, its more-accessible gunplay can't compete with the top of the genre. But if you're interested in a more zany, grindhouse take on Resident Evil 4, then this should be a real treat. And of course, if you're a fan of Suda's earlier work, then this is a no-brainer. ¡Cabrón!

Better than: Killer7, BioShock 2
Not as good as: No More Heroes, BioShock
Unfortunately, the Big Boner weapon is only in one level: fortunately, it's a pretty fun level.

Progress: Finished on Demon Hunter (normal)

In a nutshell, yeah, it would be fair to call this No More Heroes with guns. The full story is a little more complicated; but this is very much a modern Goichi Suda game. (And that's pretty great.)

Just as NMH and its sequel built up Travis Touchdown into a crazy badass/nerd superhero, SotD characterizes its protagonist, Garcia "Fucking" Hotspur, as an unstoppable demon hunter with a flippant attitude and a less-than-100% grasp of the English language. He is ruthless when it comes to killing demons, and so when his girlfriend Paula is kidnapped by an evil lord of the underworld named Fleming, it's only natural for him to go on something of a spree.

Garcia is an expert gunslinger, although his technique is a little messy. His weapons - a pistol (the "Boner"), a shotgun, and a machine gun - have an RE4-style laser sight, but he can strafe, too, which is pretty nice. Low-level enemies move erratically, and their heads bob and weave a lot, which makes headshots somewhat difficult; but in general the shooting isn't hard. Different enemies have different weaknesses and techniques, and as long as you use the right weapon for the right job, and don't expect to be incredibly accurate, it's rarely very frustrating.

Darkness is a central mechanic: if Garcia stays in darkness for more than a few seconds, he'll start to lose health (think Metroid Prime 2), and enemies in darkness can't be defeated. You'll use various methods, mostly centered around an alt-fire ability called the Light Shot, to fight enemies in the light instead. But enemies which have come out of the darkness are still coated in it, so you have to Light Shot them before they can be defeated. Additionally, some puzzles and encounters include targets that only appear in the darkness, so you'll have to carefully manage the time you spend in it.

The light/dark mechanic is a neat gimmick, but it's also an extremely effective graphical mechanic. Not all of SotD's visuals are of the highest caliber, but the glowing and darkness effects are really quite impressive. Similar to Zelda: Wind Waker's cel-shaded style, the light and dark in this game really help sell the atmosphere.

Damned's voice work is fantastic, and I would easily classify it as among the best in the industry, despite its fairly small cast. Secondary roles - Fleming, and the half-demon Christopher who acts as an item shop - have great actors who really bring out their eccentric personalities. And the performances for Garcia and his gun/partner Johnson really outdo themselves. You won't be able to ignore the fact that Garcia is voiced by that guy who does all the voices everywhere, but his not-entirely-convincing hispanic accent is pretty funny, and a scene where he struggles to read some English text is easily one of the best-acted scenes in any game.

The music, too, is very well done -- the downloadable soundtrack that came with my pre-order didn't impress me very much, but when it's in the context of a corpse- and darkness-filled demon underworld, and when it's emphasized by creaks, groans, and screams, the eerie, unsettling background music completely engrosses me. Even when the slightly repetitive scenery doesn't.

SotD has solidly competent gameplay, and shows absolutely no signs of Suda losing his creative insanity. It's not without occasional annoyances - like the level I'm in now, where I must flee from one enemy while engaging others - but its playability and attitude are doing a more than adequate job of keeping me interested.

As an aside: EA was not super-helpful with my busted-disc problem. They have a warranty/return policy, but it includes a $20 replacement fee. What! Deciding that this was absurd, I tried Amazon's customer support, and they mailed a replacement copy out straight away and helped me send the old one back -- free of charge. It would be dishonest of me to say that this makes me a more loyal Amazon customer - I already buy pretty much everything from them - but as for EA, I doubt I'll be purchasing a new physical product of theirs anytime soon.

Progress: Chapter 3

I haven't played the Saints Row games before, having been given the general impression that they were a poor man's Grand Theft Auto. But this video, in which - among other things - the narrator enters a sci-fi spacecraft and microwaves cars on the ground, makes me feel like this game might be the sequel to Red Faction: Guerrilla that I really wanted, instead of Armageddon. I'll be keeping an eye on it.

Progress: Gave Up

What's interesting about DNF is that it came out -- not that it came out bad. "Stupid" is the best way I can describe it. And after 14 (!) years in development, it only makes sense that this game is the relic of a bygone era, that at its core it remains loyal to hamstrung control schemes and threadbare mechanics.

I shouldn't be disappointed or surprised; but I am, because of this 2009 Wired article which explained in detail the fall of 3D Realms. The general spirit of Duke Nukem Forever's astonishingly appropriate name was, supposedly, that they became slavishly devoted to keeping the game's technology up-to-date, to refining its gameplay, and to keeping it fresh and current. Frankly, aside from its maybe-2006?-ish graphics, none of that bears out in the game itself.

This is, for all intents and purposes, a high-resolution texture pack for a turn-of-the-millenium shooter. And it's proof that 3D Realms really was full of shit the whole time.

Progress: Gave Up -- Finished the Steam demo

Rant time - I was more than a little depressed at news of Magicka's new PvP patch and spate of DLC packs. The original game was full of directed, but chaotic gameplay, in imaginative and well-paced environments, framed by some fantastic writing. Instead of adding more of any of that, or even ironing out some of the crippling bugs that remain in the game, Arrowhead/Paradox have added features I absolutely don't care about, and released extra content that does nothing for me. I suppose it's possible that someone, somewhere, is really interested in incredibly unbalanced PvP, new arena levels, and paid costumes for their little wizards. But it amazes me how much this is the precise opposite of what I want.

Progress: Finished Adventure with 2 players, found all the secrets

One of the instruction manual's "General Tips and Tricks" is:

The quickest way to stop a hammertop demon with the Big Boner is to shoot him in the head lens.

I'm really looking forward to this game! Which makes the physical copy I have in my hands all the more upsetting. (My disc is defective.)

What makes Valkyrie Profile interesting is -- well, let's start over. One of the interesting things about Valkyrie Profile is how great the production values are for its time and platform. It pushes the boundaries of graphical detail on a PS1, and the care that was taken in its art, its story-crafting, and its intricate gameplay mechanics is very evident. Even a decade later, the whole package is reasonably impressive.

The other really interesting thing is that those intricate gameplay mechanics haven't been more commonly ripped-off in modern games. Although the whole Valkyrie Profile strategy is quite complicated - an extremely minimal in-game tutorial barely scratches its surface - almost all of it is taken care of in pre-combat menus. Learning and equipping skills, synthesizing items and equipment, and ordering abilities would be enough to contend with even without the game's central premise, which is that your trained and battle-hardened heroes will be sent to Midgard for Ragnarok. But past all that setup, battle itself is pretty simple: every turn, each party member is attached to one of the controller's four face buttons, and pressing them simply orders your party members to attack in real-time.

I really like this approach, which lets me make the tough decisions at my own pace, while keeping the combat itself timing-sensitive and fast-paced. And I'm glad that I have The Internet helping me to understand it, because when I started the game, on my own, it was all terribly confusing. Likewise, I'm also glad for The Internet's guidance in what areas to approach in which chapter, because each chapter has a limit on how many things you can try to do in it, and left to my own devices I would likely end up accomplishing nothing. (Actually, I guess the Start button is supposed to help me with this. I'm still learning.)

So, I am somewhat dependent on external guidance, but not really any more than I would expect from an RPG made in this time. Oh, and the story sequences, while well-executed, are a little slow and over-long. But otherwise I'm really impressed with Valkyrie Profile in general. Hopefully it doesn't turn into a grind-fest.

Next entry I'll try to get to the dungeon exploring, platforming, puzzling side of the game. Even in the first dungeon, I was already growing crystals into the wall and exploding them to propel me toward treasure chests. It's pretty badass.

Progress: Midway through Chapter 1

Same game, same story, same mechanics, blah blah blah. Try not to think of it as a 3d version of everyone's favorite game. Instead, think of it as an awesome-looking version of everyone's favorite game.

My last pre-order disappointed me pretty hard. This time, I'm hoping the video evidence is more indicative of the real game experience. As another Goichi Suda and Shinji Mikami joint, I'm hoping for something with the bizarre entertainment and gameplay factors of Killer7, but with the sophistication of the more modern No More Heroes and Vanquish; and judging by the presence of a gun upgrade called the "Big Boner" I'm pretty excited.

In the end, the story is a nice, compact little vignette about a bit-player in the world of Rapture; or, it would be, if not for some pacing issues and bugs that frequently upset the experience.

• In the first level, Minerva's Den proper, many of the objectives can be done in a variable order; which I sorta enjoyed, until I got to the end and realized that I'd missed most of the chapter's voice-over guidance. Although the objectives can be completed at your discretion, the narration isn't able to keep up with it.
• In the second level, the Operations department, this same issue is better but still not completely fixed. There were a handful of instances where the voice-over got mixed up, playing its response to event A after I've already completed event C. And this chapter was completely linear, so I don't know what the excuse was here.
• In the third/finale level, The Thinker, a playable segment after the final boss encounter has you searching through some personal quarters and filling in some emotional story bits. This includes a final audio diary, but when I picked it up, the Play button didn't work; I had to listen to it from the menu instead.
• The ending scene was, well, nice, but as a series of stills rather than a fully-animated cutscene, clearly lacked the production value of any of Rapture's previous storytelling.

These would ordinarily be trivial issues, but in a BioShock game, which prides itself in impactful storytelling - even BioShock 2 ended up doing some pretty cool things with the Big Daddy/Little Sister dynamic - Minerva's Den simply feels lacking.

And as for the gameplay, while it's certainly serviceable and just as fun as in BioShock 2, it completely fails to change that game's mechanics in any meaningful way. The closest it gets is arguably with the flying sentry robots -- though they've been around since BioShock one, they're numerous enough throughout Minerva's Den that you'll usually have two little robotic buddies following you around. It's a distinctive touch, although they still get in your way all the time, and you still have no direct control over them.

It's also a little curious why 2K decided to fill this DLC adventure, only a handful of hours long, with all the weapons and ammo types of BioShock 2 itself (plus the laser). In the first chapter, you'll be picking up a new weapon or ammo upgrade every few minutes, and even in the second chapter you'll be getting new weapons that absolutely aren't necessary.

Ultimately, while there's nothing holistically bad about Minerva's Den, it's immensely disappointing how little it does to mix-up or change the BioShock formula. Though BioShock 2 couldn't live up to the bar set by the original game, Minerva's Den isn't even trying, and that's a real shame.

Better than: Overlord: Raising Hell
Not as good as: Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare
I wouldn't say I regretted it: but I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, either

Progress: Finished on Normal