Against my better judgment - or even my previous judgment - I decided to take a shot at the full PDZ campaign. Unsurprisingly, it was a pretty stupid idea. Three missions in (including the tutorial), I have absolutely no compulsion to try it again.

It's not that Perfect Dark Zero is a terrible game -- its shooting works relatively well, unlike some modern flops. Rather, it's disappointing that Perfect Dark Zero isn't just behind the times it was released in: it fails to surpass its N64 predecessor. From the year 2000.

The only real improvement PDZ can boast over the original is high-resolution graphics. Perfect Dark on XBLA was a stark reminder of last decade's archaic shooter design, with no maps, unclear objectives, transparent AI, parodic storylines, and laughable voice acting and animations; and PDZ has all of the same faults. It tries to implement a cover system, but it's done so poorly, that you may as well completely forget about it.

While there are certainly worse offenses to game design than Perfect Dark Zero, it's downright inexcusable how little progress it managed to make in five years.

Progress: Gave Up -- Finished Mission 2

The controls still suck. That's the disappointing thing about Uncharted 2 -- there are still too many moments where Drake rolls instead of ducks, or falls instead of jumps. But - to great effect - this installment makes much smarter choices about story pacing and encounter lengths, so the thrilling narrative can really shine through.

The gameplay hasn't really changed, but more well-designed environments, including a few genuinely great combat arenas, remove almost all of the chore-like feelings I got from the first game. There are a few fights where unreasonable bullet-sponges with shotguns make the game more frustrating than it needs to be, but in general it really feels like a very competent third-person shooter.

And as before, the writing, acting, cinematic direction, and soundtrack are all top-notch. This is the best storytelling in the industry. If it wasn't for the fact that the gameplay is about a smartass treasure hunter shooting hundreds of neo-Nazis, it might really convince people that video game stories can be taken seriously.

Better than: Uncharted: Drake's Fortune
Not as good as: BioShock
A better Indiana Jones: than the last Indiana Jones movie

Progress: Finished on Normal

Yeah. I'm going to be that guy.

Uncharted deserves accolades for its narrative presentation. The detailed and moody environments, impeccably lip-synced voice acting, and believable, engaging character chemistry really sell the story. Even when the plot did a little shark-jumping in the third act, it didn't feel like it interfered with what was really narratively meaningful.

What did interfere were the terrible controls, and the awfully unbalanced gunplay. Uncharted is full of so many cheap deaths - whether due to invisible enemies and magic bullets, or due to the cover button taking you to entirely the wrong place - not to mention tending to put checkpoints way too far apart, that I simply can't forgive it. I don't know if I've ever been as frustrated with a game as I was on my bajillionth die-and-retry in Uncharted's final hours.

Uncharted isn't the first AAA game to come out with a poorly-implemented and error-prone snap-to-cover system; but it might be the first that also heavily relies on it. I couldn't tell you how many times I tried to hide from an enemy, only to instead lock myself to a wall facing directly at him. With impressive enemy AI that can actually flank you, and destructible cover to liven up the battlefield, it's completely unacceptable for the cover system to be as bad as Kane & Lynch's. (I won't even get into how often I jumped to my death because the control stick direction didn't match the screen orientation.)

When I wasn't fighting the controls, I was fighting increasingly irritating dudes with guns, and unfortunately this didn't go any better. As early as the first third of the game, it ramps up combat difficulty by throwing an absurd amount of enemies at you -- wave after wave of guys with eerily accurate shotguns, neverending grenade launchers, one-hit-kill magnums... since the AI is pretty good, being outnumbered 4-to-1 (on average) can become somewhat unbearable, depending on which side the environment favors. And even ignoring the difficulty, the shooting just isn't fun enough to justify the more-often-than-not excessive number of baddies to mow down.

It's for that reason - not just that the game can seem unfairly difficult (on Normal mode!), but that the combat severely wears out its welcome - that I feel Uncharted is an ultimately flawed experience. The otherwise great story's first and third acts are weighed down by meaningless downtime, killing hundreds of guys with little explanation as to why they're even there. Though it's the only gameplay Uncharted has, aside from remedial platforming and some light puzzle solving in the second act, it really just feels like it's in the way of the story - and frankly, that's a shame.

Better than: Rogue Warrior, Eat Lead
Not as good as: Prince of Persia, The Saboteur
The sequel had better fix all these mechanical problems: or else I'll be pretty upset at The Internet again

Progress: Finished on Normal

Ilomilo isn't just a Lost Vikings-style platform/puzzle game with a sickeningly charming aesthetic and clever puzzle concepts -- it also has collectibles! Well, not that many collectibles, but enough to unlock special stages and other bonus content.

It's pretty neat. You should try it!

Progress: Played the trial

In addition to the curious lack of snap-to-cover, there are a few other less-than-desirable aspects of War for Cybertron that I would be remiss not to mention:

• Checkpoints are done well in some places, but very poorly in others. There were more than a handful of sequences that I had to replay to the point of controller-tossing frustration due to there being way too many encounters between checkpoints.
• Relatedly, some of the chapters were just way too long. Sometimes the game would go for over an hour without any breaks in the action. Since much of the combat is repetitive, this tended to feel exhausting, rather than exhilirating.
• The health system is curiously copied from Resistance: Fall of Man -- the health bar is split into four, and although each quarter can regenerate over time until full, higher quarters won't regenerate until you find a health pack or other healing item. Personally, I think this health system is stupid and has no reason to exist at all.
• In general, there just isn't enough ammo. I learned early on how valuable my melee move was, simply to conserve ammunition; and there are several lengthy enemy encounters that can easily be made impossible if you waste too many shots in the beginning.
• The final few stages become difficult when they throw A) way too many enemies at you, B) enemy shots at you which can halve your life in an instant, and kill you in another one, or C) both of these things. The game does have some clever enemy and level designs, but falls back on these cheap challenges way too easily.

As for the, uh, transforming aspect of the game, there's an Autobot counterpart to the Decepticon jet-flying mission I mentioned before -- but a particularly irritating boss fight with invisible sky walls really mars the experience. Other than that, and occasionally transforming just to move faster (or to use the tank/car weapons since you've run out of ammo), the dual nature of the transformers is criminally underutilized.

If you're in love with the Transformers franchise, you'll love this game; and if you just like robots shooting at each other, there's some fun in here too. But as the game marches on, sloppiness and general mediocrity bring the experience down. Other than the impressive visuals, and the fact that it doesn't suck, there's nothing really remarkable here.

Better than: Ghostbusters: The Video Game (PC, PS3, X360)
Not as good as: Vanquish
Oh, yeah: if you care about online multiplayer, I've read that this one is pretty good

Progress: Finished the Decepticon and Autobot campaigns on Normal

The most surprising thing about War for Cybertron, given that it's a Transformers-flavored Gears of War clone, is that there's no snap-to-cover function. What's up with that? I mean, I'm as upset as anyone when there's nothing more to a game than cover, but it's 2010 -- you can't make an Unreal Engine shooter and just forget to implement a contextual cover system. That's weird.

With that said, War for Cyberton feels like most pre-Gears shooters, and in that company it doesn't do bad for itself. The "gimmick" here is obviously that you can transform, though with the exception of the one jet-flying level I've done so far, it doesn't really integrate into the gameplay at all. Aside from that, there are also some special "energon"-powered abilities each character can use, but since they're balanced for competitive multiplayer, they don't feel very effective for campaign use.

So War for Cybertron ends up being a passable shooter that, while somewhat behind the times, looks really good. What sells this game is how detailed and fluid the hyper-mechanical art direction looks, and how well it integrates with the whole Transformers motif. Some of the voice acting could be better - except for Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime, which couldn't possibly be any better, obviously - but in general the presentation is pretty fantastic.

Progress: Chapter 8

A Boy and His Blob is a fun puzzle-y platform game, but also interesting because of its old-school design methodology. There are no in-game tutorials or explanations of the controls; there is a demo cutscene, but (so far) there aren't any story scenes or really any narrative at all; and the game isn't afraid to kill you, although it's also usually forgiving with checkpoint placement.

Though it can at times feel archaic, there is a real sense of nostalgia here, more so than in many other games that try to tug on our "retro" heart-strings. Aside from the charming art style and soothing sound design, A Boy and His Blob is just what games used to be like -- simple, relying solely on a core mechanic and introducing twists at a constant pace.

Also, you can press 'Up' on the remote to hug the blob.

Progress: Level 8

It didn't seem like Enslaved was completely finished -- the story's conclusion seemed abrupt at points, the last couple levels had way too much repetitive fighting and shooting, and I kept getting a considerable amount of upgrade orbs well after I was explicitly told "This is your last chance to upgrade!" But, these rough marks don't significantly alter my previous opinions of the game: fun, with generally good storytelling, but ultimately not an exceptional game.

Better than: Ōkami
Not as good as: Darksiders
Would love to see: this as a movie/miniseries, instead (yeah yeah I know there are already a million of them)

Progress: Finished on Normal

Somehow I doubt I'll be revisiting this.

Progress: Gave Up -- Chapter 3

I haven't touched the multiplayer in roughly forever. Unfortunately, one of the primary good points of the first StarCraft - that I didn't have a job at the time - simply can't be replicated in the sequel.

Progress: Finished the campaign on Normal