More thoughts on this later, after I collect them. For now, just - if the first game's ending was fucking awful, I don't even know what to call this one's. Super-fucking awful? Mega-terrible shit? Piss cock dick balls? Anyway, it's worse.

Progress: Beat up the Pope

Throughout the first three "memory sequences" - and the present-day introduction that preceded them - I was, in so many words, upset by Assassin's Creed II. Not with the game itself, really, but with the Internet, which claimed that this game was one of the best of 2009. Frankly, unless the ending includes a giant novelty check being delivered to me by lingerie models, that's false. I can name at least half a dozen titles from last year that are better (unless, you know, lingerie models).

I described the first game's finale as fucking awful, and the beginning of AC2 picks up right where that left off: with an absolutely unbelievable, bullshit story, and vapid characters with dialog ripped right out of an insipid Hollywood summer blockbuster. Then the game plunges you into the Italian Renaissance, and attempts to make you care about even more poorly-written characters who never quite make it all the way to a convincing Italian accent.

Interestingly, after four full memory sequences, I have yet to return to Desmond in the present-day setting. Clearly, AC2's writers realized that no one gives a shit about the franchise's over-arching plot, and are gradually writing it out. Fantastic.

The first three sequences are largely slow, plodding set-up, introducing the cast of characters and the game system (although AC2's controls tutorial leaves much to be desired, and if you haven't played the first game you'll probably be screwed for a while). And although the game is more story-driven this time around - no more doing odd-jobs around the city to unlock an assassination mission - the core game still doesn't really feel like it's been substantially polished.

It's more possible, now, to defeat an enemy without counter-attacking; but it takes about ten times as long. Climbing is still basically fun, but there are still plenty of places for it to screw up and throw you to your doom. Blending in with crowds is easier, but just as boring. New mechanics, such as equipment shops and hire-able mercenaries (and thieves, and whores!), are welcome additions to the game; but don't change much. Buying a group of prostitutes to distract armed guards is extremely effective, but isn't necessarily useful in the game's more tense moments.

Basically, up through sequence 3, AC2 is the same game with a few changes -- some for the better, some not. And instead of slowly building up a terrible story, it assaults you with awful writing from the moment you start the game. But that gets easier to forget as the game drifts further and further away from the Abstergo bullshit.

And then, at the end of sequence 3, leading into 4, I realized something: while AC2 isn't necessarily fixing the problems of its predecessor, it is adding some neat new stuff. Like the Villa Auditore, which puts a Tycoon game into the mix, allowing you to build and upgrade town assets. And the assassin tombs, which are Prince of Persia levels; I'm 100% certain that they were actually designed by the PoP team, perhaps for a PoP game.

I'm still miffed at the Internet for trying to tell me that AC2 is the second coming of Christ. As with so many other big-publisher AAA franchise entries, I'd bet most review scores were decided before the game was even playable. But, like with the first Assassin's Creed, I think I'll be able to wring some fun out of this despite its flaws.

My God, though. The story is so stupid. Michael Bay would look down on this shit.

Progress: Finished Sequence 4

The back half of Winter of the Melodias sees a return of fresh, inventive mechanics, and the kind of simple yet clever puzzles that made the first game fun. I got a vortex power that created a bunch of new scenarios, and at the end I got to escort a singing robot-king (?) to fight the boss.

Melodias ended up taking me about three and a half hours, but I feel like the first one or two were uninteresting and unnecessary. The sequel may have been designed to address length complaints in the first game, but it really just feels like a boring introduction followed by the real adventure. I would rather have just played the good two hours.

Which are quite good, by the way. Lots of fun stuff in those two hours.

Better than: LostWinds (past the halfway point)
Not as good as: Braid
What is Frontier doing now?: Kinectimals? The fuck?

Progress: Beat final boss, 41/48 totems

When WiiWare debuted, LostWinds wasn't just a timely demonstration of what the service could offer -- it was a competent, even fun!, game. Its inventive mechanics and visual charm handily overcame its simplicity and brevity.

Now, Wii games have become a little more sophisticated, and tiny independent games like LostWinds have become much more prevalent. Is a sequel still engaging enough to hold the modern gamer's interest? Well, yes and no.

Winter of the Melodias starts out strong, with something the original game lacked (as do most downloadable games): a compelling story hook. It builds directly on the events of the first game, so if you haven't played that one, you might be a little lost; then again, the narrative takes a backseat as soon as the introductory segment is over, so you won't have missed much.

The gameplay, too, will be instantly familiar to LostWinds veterans. Unfortunately, as of about halfway through Melodias, the second game's mechanics haven't really expanded on the first's at all. The snow levels add the new trick of making and throwing snowballs, but that's about it. I just got the ability to switch between Winter and Summer - and I believe, later on, I'll be unlocking some new wind powers - but so far, the gameplay feels pretty underwhelming.

One of this sequel's most welcome improvements is a map. Navigation in the first LostWinds was significantly hampered by not being able to know your current location; Melodias tackles this with a simple nodal map, showing the area you're currently in, areas you need to find, and the relative location of paths that connect different nodes. This doesn't really change the game, per se, but it does make it less frustrating and easier to jump into and out of.

I'm looking forward to some genuinely new gameplay soon, but for now, the LostWinds sequel isn't doing much (other than the map!) to differentiate itself from the original.

Progress: Repaired Sonte's Bell

Pre-Ridley, I was able to defeat most of Super Metroid's challenges by relying on how overpowered Super Missiles are (or, in Draygon's case, by reading the interweb and discovering his actual weakness). But Ridley isn't as much of a sucker - he requires you to be very good, which I'm not, or to be very powered-up. So I took a lap around the map, collected all the energy tanks (again, with the interweb's help), and was then able to tolerate Ridley long enough to actually kill him.

The extra HP also made Mother Brain kind of a pushover. Ending was cool. Could have done a better job of tying into the introduction, though.

Super Metroid exists at the tail end of the punishing games era: when frustration was to be expected, and the only workaround was to ask for help from someone who'd already done it. But Metroid, as a franchise, shines brightest when the player is able to freely explore -- to discover secret areas without fear of losing track of the main objective; to experiment with a boss without fear of having to repeat lengthy gameplay sequences. (Getting back to Ridley over and over again was pretty lame.) Later Metroids have all done a fantastic job with this concept, and, I guess, they have Super Metroid to thank for pushing the original Metroid's formula in the right direction. But it's hard for me not to see Super Metroid as a relic of a bygone era.

I also have a hard time forgiving the jumping controls. They are just terrible. Just, terrible.

Better than: Metroid (in its original NES incarnation)
Not as good as: Metroid Prime, Metroid Fusion, Shadow Complex
A Zero Mission-style remake: would be pretty incredible

Progress: ~7 hours, 78% items

I got lost in Maridia for, like, a week and a half because of this fuckin' thing. I swear to god, when I Power Bombed it, it didn't break. I had to use a less-powerful Super Missile instead? And then there's the Maridia boss, Draygon. Don't get me started on Draygon. Jesus.

I can see how Super Metroid was one of the greatest things ever back in 1994, but 16 years on, its age definitely shows. There're no two ways about the controls -- they suck. (Space Jump? Impossible!) And the game has more than its share of hidden things, from boss techniques to knowing where to go, that are in dire need of a hint system.

Both of these issues were handily solved in Metroid Prime and Metroid Fusion.

So, sure, I can appreciate Metroid's roots here. But I also appreciate the improvements that have come since.

Progress: Got the Screw Attack

Somehow, despite having played to completion: several Metroid games (not even counting the Primes); more than a handful of Metroid-inspired Castlevanias; and Shadow Complex, I hadn't until recently played more than an hour or so of Super Metroid. (Does that make me a bad person? Yeah, it definitely does.) Virtual Console to the rescue! But now I'm discovering that, for all its acclaim, Super Metroid has not aged exceptionally well.

It has some of the best level and environment design of any game -- not just puzzling or thrilling, but incredibly atmospheric (per the series standard). For a 16-bit sidescroller, it does an incredible job of convincing you that you're alone on a hostile planet, and the only way out is to scrape your power-ups together and blast a bunch of aliens.

But the controls are terrible. There are half a dozen weapons to switch between (including some that aren't even weapons, like a grapple beam and an x-ray visor), that you need to cycle through with Select, so getting the right one ready for a boss is way too many button presses. Landing jumps is unreasonably tough -- almost as tough as the wall-jump, which is just ridiculous. Then there's the quicksand, and the Samus-eating giant plants, and the lava seahorses, and, eesh.

And the map could be a lot more informative; sure, it's better than nothing, but neglecting to show where colored doors are makes backtracking more of a hassle than it needs to be. Not to mention, so many routes through the map are just overly lengthy and repetitive. I also feel like the routes I really need to take are hidden, because despite collecting most of my suit components, I've only encountered one of the game's four+ bosses. (Edit: Apparently I just fought the second one. Didn't think that was a boss.)

So I'm more frustrated by Super Metroid than I feel I should be. At the same time, it is a fun game when it works, and it's interesting to see how much it was copied by influenced Metroid Prime.

Progress: Got the Gravity Suit!

For its first half, I'd describe Red Steel 2 as flawed, but fun. However, as the game progressed, I came to know it more as flawed, but really fun.

Its flaws aren't wholly ignorable: on top of the loading delays I've mentioned, there are some occasionally irritating bugs, and sidequest objectives are conspicuously absent from the radar (I wasted hours chasing some of those down). But the biggest problem with the game is its pacing, which is all over the place. Most missions can be easily enjoyed in small bites, but there are a handful of extremely lengthy dungeon-ish areas that seem to really drag on. And although money streams in for upgrades, sometimes (after entering a new area) opportunities to upgrade are unavailable for a significant stretch of time.

On a related note, I went through a majority of the game before discovering that guns can be upgraded, because the interface for this re-uses the interface for buying the guns in the first place. I didn't know there was anything to buy, because the weapons already had check-marks on them! But, it's really just as well, because guns are the least important part of the game by far.

Up to the halfway point, Red Steel 2's combat was fun, but not incredibly engaging - because all the enemies were pushovers. But during the first boss fight with Shinjiro, I actually had to learn my different techniques and combos; after which, the game legitimately challenged me to react, adapt, and use what I'd learned to defeat varied combinations of enemies. The combat system becomes quite deep in the end, and utilizing diverse attacks in creative ways, all in the name of stabbing dudes, is intensely satisfying. Enough so that I've had trouble putting the game down over the past few days.

So it could have used some more polish, and the story was trash. Oh, and the music is pretty lackluster - there's a "twangy" theme reminiscent of Firefly, but in general the ambient tunes are pretty boring. Regardless, though, this is a fun game! And I look forward to the inevitable sequel.

Better than: Bionic Commando (similarly, a shooter with not very much shooting)
Not as good as: BioShock (similarly, a shooter with unique mechanics and a convincing atmosphere)
And leagues better than: Red Steel

Progress: Finished on Normal

Red Steel left a pretty terrible taste in my mouth, so it's to the sequel's benefit that it discards much of the first game's dreck. The story is still garbage, and the writing and voice acting are still laughable - but Red Steel 2 doesn't rely on them to push the game forward. Instead, everything is organized into ultra-short, easily digestible missions, and inbetween you'll use reward money to purchase upgrades and new moves.

Combat in RS2 is less like a shooter, and more like a first-person action game: you can block and dodge, and perform combos. The melee emphasis can feel a bit weird, given your lack of peripheral vision, but visual indicators for nearby enemies and special move opportunities make the combat flow quite well.

Visually, the game's aesthetic is unique (Borderlands notwithstanding) and appealing. The orange sands and windswept roads evoke an old west setting, while eastern and modern influences help it to stand out. There is perhaps an abundance of orange, but the thoughtful design of enemies and other interactive elements prevent it from being overbearing.

Aside from the terrible plot, my only other real grievance with the game is the loading times, which border on absurd. The game loads new environments when you open a door, but unlike Metroid Prime, there's no advance loading - and Red Steel 2 doesn't allow you to walk around while the loading takes place. This leaves you staring at a door-opening animation for at least several seconds inbetween each and every room. Perhaps not as long as a loading elevator, but much more frequent.

Progress: Reactivated the comm tower

Yes! In your face, Wernstrom!

Progress: 242 stars