Controls that infuriatingly refuse precision. Platforming gauntlets that demand perfection, and force repetitive retry after retry. Hidden abilities that are necessary to proceed in the game (apparently the cloaking ability can also reflect light beams? what the fuck?). Yooka-Laylee has all the hallmarks of a game that doesn't respect your time.

Games could get away with this in bygone eras, because there weren't many other games to play. What else were you going to do -- go play outside? But in an age where everyone's Steam library has an insufferable backlog, developers must realize that there is no shortage of competition, and people won't just keep suffering through your awkward, tedious game.

Yooka-Laylee isn't all bad. But even at its best, exploring its worlds and solving its puzzles just feels ... stale. If you've played 3D character platformers before, Yooka-Laylee doesn't really offer anything new or interesting.

I think it's pretty telling that Playtonic didn't notice its own game's glaring, archaic issues until three weeks after release (April 11 -> May 2). As much as I would like to believe in time travel -- I've come to the simpler and sadder conclusion that Playtonic's designers played and replayed the old Banjo games so thoroughly, that they merely lost perspective of the industry's last fifteen years.

Anyway, having visited all five book-worlds and attained all of Yooka and Laylee's abilities (including the gameplay-trivializing ability to fly) - and still being under halfway to unlocking the final boss area (100 pagies!) - I've got no reservations against calling it quits.

Better than: Bear Simulator
Not as good as: Super Mario 3D World
With apologies to Grant Kirkhope: this game's soundtrack isn't good, either. Nostalgia doesn't make these short, repetitive melodies any better.

Progress: 48 pagies

Yooka-Laylee feels like a fifteen-year-old game with a very fresh coat of paint on it. I don't really mean that as a compliment.

The good news is that the core gameplay from Banjo-Kazooie and -Tooie is all here, and it's even been iterated on, slightly. The world-expansion mechanic serves as a reasonable excuse to revisit levels, and at least some of Yooka's reptilian moves are satisfyingly distinct from Banjo's repertoire.

The bad news is that games have come a long way since the year 2000, but Yooka-Laylee hasn't. While the controls, interface, and general tactile "feel" of Super Mario 64 was iterated on and refined through Sunshine, Galaxy/2, and 3D World; Yooka-Laylee has basically all the same mechanical problems as its N64-era forebears.

It has to be intentional, I mean -- I have to believe that the spastic camera, the squishy collision physics, and the (occasionally) unskippable dialog boxes, were done this way on purpose. Because there are only three explanations I can conceive of for blatantly irritating designs like this:

1. They're intentional;
2. Playtonic literally invented a time machine, and developed the game fifteen years ago;
3. Or none of this game's designers played any video games released after the year 2000.

I can't wholly write Yooka-Laylee off, because its core loop of exploring worlds and collecting random stuff is still rewarding and fun. It's just ... everything around this core, is stale, and kind of sucks. (Except for the writing, which is humorously self-deprecating in all the right ways.)

Progress: 18 pagies, 224 quills

I guess my prediction about Capcom embracing an episodic delivery format was overly optimistic. Still, it's nice that they're making more content for me.

Like the "Special Episode" added to Dual Destinies, this new case doesn't have anything to do with the plot or events of Spirit of Justice. In fact, with the return of Maya, Edgeworth, and Larry Butz, the banter and hijinks of this case are occasionally reminiscent of Phoenix Wright's older trials.

That aspect of the special episode is well-balanced: the returning characters feel comfortably familiar, but the case itself doesn't lean on knowledge of the DL-6 incident, or the Steel Samurai, et al. It also doesn't lean on nostalgia for its appeal, as the new characters and setting for this case are sufficiently interesting on their own.

As the franchise is wont to do, some of the biggest twists in this case are forecasted very early on -- but the devil is in the details, and working those details out during the investigation and trial is as satisfying as ever.

The only real failing here is that - like the Special Episode from Dual Destinies - it lacks the gravitas of the main game's sequelized cases, and how they progressively build up to an epic conclusion. As a self-contained case, this is about as good as you can get.

Well, that, and this extra case doesn't do much with the franchise's various evidence puzzle mechanics: Apollo is nowhere to be seen, and Athena doesn't actively participate. But as in Spirit of Justice's own cases, the story does a fair enough job making up for these shortcomings.

Better than: the shorter cases in Spirit of Justice
Not as good as: the longer cases in Spirit of Justice
Probably about the same as: Dual Destinies' "Turnabout Reclaimed" Special Episode

Apollo Justice: Asinine Attorney is slightly more ambitious than its Phoenix Wright counterpart, as it recycles art not only from Spirit of Justice, but also from Dual Destinies.

Otherwise, it's equally brief, equally silly, and equally un-funny.

Phoenix Wright: Asinine Attorney is not the real "Special Episode" DLC for Spirit of Justice. But it does cost $3.99 (and is bundled with a 3DS home menu theme).

It's terribly stupid. It's of a subpar quality even by fan-fiction standards. It's short -- 30 minutes, tops. It isn't even funny.

You can find much better, and more substantive!, additional cases for free, online.

If this episode had been included with the game, I would at least be able to write it off as a gimmicky extra. But as paid DLC, I expect something way, way better than this garbage. As it is, I feel like I was tricked into buying the 3DS theme, and this episode just came along for the ride.

Do not buy this. (Unless you want the 3DS theme.)

Has it really been over ten years since I first joined Phoenix Wright's legal team? Wow. Here's to ten more, old friend.

It's been three years since Dual Destinies - which, for its part, was a pretty innovative franchise entry - but Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Spirit of Justice feels like a much "safer" installment.

There is one cool new mechanic: video evidence, which asks you to track through and pause videos, then select a specific object to present. This mechanic is used both in the context of literal video footage of a crime, as well as in Khura'inese "divination seances" with the addition of sensory events (where words appear that indicate sounds and tactile feelings). Although the loading times on these videos could be better, analyzing moving evidence in real-time is a pretty fun experience.

It's practically moot, though, because these new evidence puzzles - as well as existing ones, like Phoenix's psyche-locks, Apollo's tension bracelet, and Athena's psych therapy - are used very sparingly throughout this game's cases. Spirit of Justice is significantly more focused on storytelling than on gameplay, and makes no bones about emphasizing text-time over puzzle-time.

At its worst, this design bias manifests some real implementation bugs: like moments where multiple pieces of evidence have the same meaning, but only one of them will be accepted -- followed by some dialog which will confirm, yeah, any of these really should have meant the same thing. Or, moments where the right piece of evidence is totally unintuitive, until wrong guesses trigger an in-game hint that gives it away.

The story, though, is pretty good. Par for the franchise's course, many big story beats are forecasted fairly early; but nevertheless, the way in which characters discover and explain these events is compelling. Not unlike Phoenix's original trilogy, concluded by Trials and Tribulations, Spirit of Justice digs up some thrilling elements of backstory while also breaking new ground in Ace Attorney's narrative world.

The final case is a real doozy, and although part of the final trial is too damn complicated, it's all wrapped up in a very satisfying way. And I only noticed a small handful of typos. So, that's good.

My one real complaint about the story is that, even though Maya "MacGuffin" Fey is actually in the game, her story still hasn't gone much of anywhere since she left for "training" in the first game. Spirit of Justice sets the stage for her to actually grow as a character, ... but I guess that story will have to wait for later.

Overall, Spirit of Justice is a satisfying and worthwhile Ace Attorney entry for franchise fans, with plenty of well-told story and interesting characters to read about. But, it's a bit disappointing that it does so little to build on the series' gameplay.

Better than: Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Not as good as: Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies
But we're not done yet!: I've got the DLC Special Episode yet to do, which may or may not address the mysterious teaser in this game's ending.

I love puzzle games. I swear, I do! But I just can't love Crashmo.

The first problem it presents is one of over-cautious handholding. This is especially perplexing for a handheld game, with limited battery life and attention span; Crashmo starts with unskippable cutscenes, and slow-scrolling dialog that explains obvious mechanics. When you push a block in a direction, the block moves in that direction. You don't say? Fascinating.

Fortunately, this problem mostly (though not completely!) dissipates after the introductory set of puzzles. But by then, the game's second problem has already set in:

With its fixation on a combination of special gravity, three-dimensional spatial reasoning, and platform jumping, even moderately-difficult puzzles get pretty damned complicated. (And that's well before extra mechanics like portal doors and movement buttons are introduced.) The result is that most puzzles are just too nuanced - for me, anyway - to visualize and pre-plan.

Consequently, puzzle-solving tends to devolve into a mess of trial-and-error, followed by rewind-or-reset. I've come away from most of them feeling like the solution was a particular "trick," one specific to its arrangement of blocks and their relative altitudes, and which is inapplicable to other puzzles. Figuring out one puzzle doesn't help me figure out the next -- in other words, I don't feel like playing more of the game made me any better at it.

Crashmo's puzzles aren't "bad," exactly, but the slipshod sense of learning and progression wasn't good enough to keep me interested.

Better than: Exit DS
Not as good as: Picross 3D
I still can't believe: That the game bothers trying to attach story and personality to its characters. Seriously, old man, I don't care about your lost birds!

Progress: Completed 68/100 puzzles

When I started this quest, it was intimidating in every dimension: the enormous map, full of surprising terrain and weather effects; the ferocious monsters, demanding thoughtful combat preparation and reflexes; the breadth of activities to do, from townsfolk's quests to secrets hidden throughout the landscape; and the mysterious story, blending a post-apocalyptic world with Zelda-flavored myths.

Unfortunately, in all of these aspects, Breath of the Wild's intrigue does eventually run out.

• While the game world is beautifully crafted, and the map is a joy to explore, returning to its scenic vistas in later quests becomes tedious.
• While the early game is defined by monsters that can destroy Link without batting an eye, equipment upgrades eventually trivialize even the mighty Guardians.
• While the game's towns are dense with side-quests, it doesn't take long to find that there are only a few towns to visit, and the total quest count remains somewhat low.
• And while recovering Link's memories seems interesting at first, the backstory ends up being pretty underdeveloped and disappointing.

I want to clarify that, up until Breath of the Wild's "endgame" crests, it is a splendid, incredible experience; not just a reinvigoration of the Zelda franchise, but an exemplary game on its own. There are dozens of hours of fun in running across its grassy fields, recovering its ancient artifacts, solving the hylians' hum-drum problems, and slapping bokoblins around with glowing laser swords.

From now on, Breath of the Wild is the bar that other action-adventure games should be striving for.

It's just a shame that the final dungeon, the final boss, and the final cutscene are all so ... drab. And that there's never really any sense of narrative payoff -- almost all the characters you meet are lifelessly flat, and tales of the ancient past never fully develop.

I also need to call out the game's graphical performance (on Wii U, although as far as I know it isn't dramatically different on Switch). The resolution is noticeably low, and the frame rate can get abysmal, particularly in populated towns. The game is at its worst when a moblin starts to ragdoll, and the screen can freeze for a full, excruciating second. ... it's bad.

Then again, it occurs to me that Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask also ran like total shit on N64. And they're still remembered pretty fondly. So there's that. (At least Breath of the Wild has a pretty great draw distance.)

Despite some performance issues and its story's shortcomings, I extracted nearly 100 hours of enchanting and/or exhilirating adventure out of Breath of the Wild, with no regrets. It's pretty great.

Better than: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D
Not as good as: in terms of content richness, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim - Special Edition and its DLCs; although Breath of the Wild's own DLCs could change this.
Can't wait to play the high-performance remaster: ten years from now, assuming that Nintendo is still in business by then.

Progress: Rescued the four things, killed the evil shit, all 120 shrines found

Breath of the Wild is exactly the kick in the pants that the Zelda franchise needed so badly. In some ways, it makes Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, and (especially) Skyward Sword look more like demos than full-fledged games -- while its forebears hinted at deep combat mechanics and a stamina system, Breath of the Wild fleshes its systems all the way out.

That the game's overall design has been heavily inspired by Skyrim is pretty clear (and, if I recall correctly, was noted explicitly by Nintendo in previous interviews). What's really admirable, though, is that Breath of the Wild is neither a Nintendo-style "we'll do it our way" imitation that misses the point, nor a lazy copy-and-paste design; it incorporates parts of Elder Scrolls (and Assassin's Creed) games that worked, fixes some that didn't, and includes more than enough unique flavor of its own.

For example, while Skyrim trains you to mash the quick-save key because of how infrequently it autosaves, Breath of the Wild smartly autosaves at every landmark, every time you approach an enemy camp, and every time you unlock a chest or uncover a secret. While the crafting systems in an Elder Scrolls game (and many other RPGs) can often feel like meaningless distractions, in Breath of the Wild they're necessary tools for surviving dangerous environments and difficult encounters.

Where Assassin's Creed uses climbing as a vertical version of walking, Zelda's implementation requires you to examine a cliff face beforehand, find resting points, and maybe even prepare some stamina-restoring items. And although Breath of the Wild has towers that you climb in order to unlock the map, similar to Ubisoft Game, they don't magically trivialize exploration; hidden secrets are still hidden. Rather, the benefits of climbing a tower are more literal -- a high vantage point for surveying the landscape, and a convenient jumping-off point for your paraglider.

Breath of the Wild, as a comprehensive package of gameplay mechanics and a huge world of content, produces a highly compelling gameplay loop: fighting enemies and collecting items, buying and crafting better equipment, exploring tougher areas, and finding new enemies and new items. Specifically, having to cope with boiling-hot and freezing-cold areas is a surprisingly effective motivator -- I'm always thinking about my stockpile of food that affects temperature resistance, and about the materials I still need for more permanent heat- and cold-resistant equipment.

Combat is tougher than it's ever been in a Zelda game. These enemies are seriously indimidating. And while it's wise for a tiny dude with a wooden sword to run from a giant mechanical spider with fuck-you lasers, eventually you're going to have to figure out how to kill it. I've only recently started fighting back against Guardians, and seeing them crumble before me is oh, so satisfying.

There's also a story in here. I don't mean to belittle it! It's actually pretty interesting, and I'm dying to uncover more of the plot by unlocking my amnesiac avatar's hidden memories. But the challenges between me and those memories are tough, and I have to go collect materials for this encounter, and oh is that a shrine off in the distance?

There is so much to do in Breath of the Wild's expansive world. Whether it requires survival skills, combat prowess, or puzzle-solving, all of it demands something from you. And all of it offers a reward for that effort, even if only in the form of "Now, go do the next thing." 'Cause the next thing is probably even cooler.

Progress: Revealed the full map, 39 shrines found

In its opening scenes, Oxenfree seemed like a clever-but-flawed story-based adventure game.

The clever part is that dialog choices take place in real time, as other characters are engaged in active conversation, and you decide how to contribute to it -- or to not contribute, choosing nothing and staying silent. It makes the characters really feel alive and fun to talk to. The flawed part is that the time limits on these choices are sometimes way too brief, and I felt at times like the game had cheated me out of an option by going too fast (or, other times, cheated another character's story by making me interrupt them).

However, it isn't all that long before the real star of Oxenfree shows up: its supernatural, radio-signals, creepy-shit plot. Dialog choices are still crucial, but they - and the excellent writing and voice acting - support the telling of a chilling, fascinating, and scary story.

It's not a horror game in the Resident Evil sense, at all. There aren't any moments that I would call "jump-scares." But there are events, and spooky noises, and it's all very curious and foreboding and tense. It's like the first half of Stranger Things. Yeah, the good shit.

I would complain that Oxenfree has an occasional problem with backtracking; the map can be a little confusing, and the path you walk re-treads a fair amount of ground. I was really hoping for the game to end just a bit faster than it did.

Consequently, I don't have any interest in playing through it a second time to explore the different possibilities and alternate endings. But the first playthrough was definitely, absolutely worthwhile.

Better than: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors, Until Dawn
Not as good as: well, it's a rough comparison, but Oxenfree's story falls just short of BioShock Infinite's
Also better than: Donnie Darko, and if you liked that, you'll absolutely love this.